A Long Life and a Loving Life

Catherine Nelson, Ph.D.
January – February 2025 • Vol 4, No 14

Two young brothers, Ben and Tom, were separated at an early age. Ben was four and Tom was two when their mother died. Their father did not feel he could care for his children, and he knew his wife had relatives in two nearby towns. The father gave Ben to relatives in one of the  nearby towns called Elmwood. Tom was placed with relatives in Linville, a town across the river. The father had struggled to earn a living for his family, and he believed they would have a better life with the relatives. Soon after, he moved away from the area.

The two towns were separated by the large river. There were small stores, food markets, and nearby farms on both sides of the river. The towns almost looked alike at this time, but they were different in significant ways socially. Elmwood was a community of frequent travelers and people in search of a better life. There was a constant mix of social backgrounds, languages and cultures. Ben’s relatives taught Ben to be suspicious and wary of others, to question their motives, and to always be mindful of his personal safety.

Linville began as a trading post, established by an honorable and caring family. They had a reputation over the years of friendliness, fairness in transactions, and welcoming of people who came to settle on the nearby land. A number of people settled in the area and raised their families over several generations. Tom grew up with his relatives mirroring the same values of good will, a willingness to trust others, and a desire to be good neighbors. The only way to get across the river was by boat. The relatives on either side of the river did not get along very well. They had a history of family disputes and different values. They had no interest in visiting the relatives on the other side of the river. As a result, the two brothers grew up with little knowledge of each other.

Tom had become a physically strong young man working long hours at a mill in Linville. He was kind, thoughtful, and caring about others in his life. He enjoyed helping friends and neighbors, both young and old. In a few family conversations, Tom heard that he had a brother and became more curious about him. Ben was also a strong and healthy young man in his late twenties earning a living. He had recently moved to his own living quarters. It was a room near the lumber yard where he had worked for several years. Ben was proud to find his own place and finally be on his own.

Tom had asked around and learned where Ben might be living. Tom saved his money and one Sunday morning, he paid the fee to cross the river on the ferry. It took a lot of money to cross the river, but Tom really wanted to find his brother. He did not know Elmwood, and it took him the better part of the day to find his way to the lumber yard. He was told where Ben was living, and he knocked on Ben’s door.

Ben opened the door and looked at Tom. Ben was suspicious that this young man was his brother. Ben had not been forewarned. He did not know what his brother might look like, and he thought Tom might be an imposter. However, Tom knew the names of the relatives who had raised Ben. Slowly, Ben was willing to talk to Tom. That day,  the two brothers went to a nearby bar and had drinks together. They took a walk along the river and went fishing. Tom was happy to have found his brother and spend time with him. Ben remained suspicious even after Tom left and was relieved when Tom had to get back to the last ferry ride of the day.

Tom visited Ben several times that year, wanting to get to know Ben better. Each time Tom had carefully saved his money for the ferry and was happy that he was getting to know his brother. Ben was a quiet man who did not talk easily, but Tom was patient with him. As a child, Ben’s relatives told him that “he should be seen and not heard.” Ben complied and became a dutiful young man. Ben was hesitant talking with his brother, but they continued to go for walks and fish together.

There were a number of years when Tom could not visit Ben. There had been major flooding from the river and many homes had been washed away in Linville. Lots of people needed help in many ways to get back on their feet. The following years, there were storms and major fires that again challenged many of the homeowners and locals. The residents of Linville worked together, helping each other and caring for the needy, sharing their resources with everyone. They were able to create a community once again, both physically and em