Catherine Nelson Ph.D. – BBSH / Pathwork

A Long Life and a Loving Life

Catherine Nelson, Ph.D.
January – February 2025 • Vol 4, No 14

Two young brothers, Ben and Tom, were separated at an early age. Ben was four and Tom was two when their mother died. Their father did not feel he could care for his children, and he knew his wife had relatives in two nearby towns. The father gave Ben to relatives in one of the  nearby towns called Elmwood. Tom was placed with relatives in Linville, a town across the river. The father had struggled to earn a living for his family, and he believed they would have a better life with the relatives. Soon after, he moved away from the area.

The two towns were separated by the large river. There were small stores, food markets, and nearby farms on both sides of the river. The towns almost looked alike at this time, but they were different in significant ways socially. Elmwood was a community of frequent travelers and people in search of a better life. There was a constant mix of social backgrounds, languages and cultures. Ben’s relatives taught Ben to be suspicious and wary of others, to question their motives, and to always be mindful of his personal safety.

Linville began as a trading post, established by an honorable and caring family. They had a reputation over the years of friendliness, fairness in transactions, and welcoming of people who came to settle on the nearby land. A number of people settled in the area and raised their families over several generations. Tom grew up with his relatives mirroring the same values of good will, a willingness to trust others, and a desire to be good neighbors. The only way to get across the river was by boat. The relatives on either side of the river did not get along very well. They had a history of family disputes and different values. They had no interest in visiting the relatives on the other side of the river. As a result, the two brothers grew up with little knowledge of each other.

Tom had become a physically strong young man working long hours at a mill in Linville. He was kind, thoughtful, and caring about others in his life. He enjoyed helping friends and neighbors, both young and old. In a few family conversations, Tom heard that he had a brother and became more curious about him. Ben was also a strong and healthy young man in his late twenties earning a living. He had recently moved to his own living quarters. It was a room near the lumber yard where he had worked for several years. Ben was proud to find his own place and finally be on his own.

Tom had asked around and learned where Ben might be living. Tom saved his money and one Sunday morning, he paid the fee to cross the river on the ferry. It took a lot of money to cross the river, but Tom really wanted to find his brother. He did not know Elmwood, and it took him the better part of the day to find his way to the lumber yard. He was told where Ben was living, and he knocked on Ben’s door.

Ben opened the door and looked at Tom. Ben was suspicious that this young man was his brother. Ben had not been forewarned. He did not know what his brother might look like, and he thought Tom might be an imposter. However, Tom knew the names of the relatives who had raised Ben. Slowly, Ben was willing to talk to Tom. That day,  the two brothers went to a nearby bar and had drinks together. They took a walk along the river and went fishing. Tom was happy to have found his brother and spend time with him. Ben remained suspicious even after Tom left and was relieved when Tom had to get back to the last ferry ride of the day.

Tom visited Ben several times that year, wanting to get to know Ben better. Each time Tom had carefully saved his money for the ferry and was happy that he was getting to know his brother. Ben was a quiet man who did not talk easily, but Tom was patient with him. As a child, Ben’s relatives told him that “he should be seen and not heard.” Ben complied and became a dutiful young man. Ben was hesitant talking with his brother, but they continued to go for walks and fish together.

There were a number of years when Tom could not visit Ben. There had been major flooding from the river and many homes had been washed away in Linville. Lots of people needed help in many ways to get back on their feet. The following years, there were storms and major fires that again challenged many of the homeowners and locals. The residents of Linville worked together, helping each other and caring for the needy, sharing their resources with everyone. They were able to create a community once again, both physically and emotionally.

Elmville also had the same major floods and storms, but the residents had a harder time recovering. Some people left. Some people suffered major losses with no help from others to recover or rebuild and reestablish a sense of safety for their families. The local people were less inclined or interested in helping others who were struggling. They didn’t know each other, and they believed it was up to each person to take care of their own. Ben helped his relatives, working hard to help them rebuild their home. Ben believed it was up to the elected town officials to manage the needed repairs for others. He said that is what they are paid to do. However, there was too much damage and many left the town. Many buildings needed to be torn down and rebuilt. There were numerous health issues for those that stayed. It took years for the town to recover.

Several years passed until Tom was able to visit Ben once again. Now it was easier for Tom, because there was a new bridge across the river, and Tom did not have to pay a fee to walk across it. Ben was surprised to see Tom once again. Ben always had a lot of criticisms and complaints about many things; Tom just listened most of the time. Ben asked a lot of questions and challenged Tom’s beliefs about the inherent goodness of people. Tom loved his brother and simply enjoyed being with him, walking and fishing together.

Both men had made it to their seventies. One day, Tom came to visit Ben. Tom told Ben that he was not feeling well. The doctor said he had a serious heart problem. Ben listened, asked a few questions, and the two men went fishing at one of their favorite locations. Tom was able to visit Ben two more times before he died.

The residents of Linville were very fond of Tom. He was well known, and he had been honored several times over the years for his good deeds and caring of others. For the very first time, Ben walked across the bridge to attend Tom’s funeral in Linville. Ben was surprised and overwhelmed by all the people in attendance. He had no idea of the extent of Tom’s contribution to their lives. Tom had never talked to Ben about his good deeds. Ben lived another ten years. He missed Tom in a way he never expected to feel or even wanted to feel about anyone. Once a week, while he was still able, Ben would walk down to the river and fish in their favorite place, remembering his brother.

Catherine Nelson, Ph.D. has a counseling practice in Bozeman with many years of experience working with individuals and groups. She has taught at the Barbara Brennan School of Healing and is a certified Pathwork Helper. She offers workshops on personal transformation and energy healing and is available for individual sessions. Call Catherine at (406) 585-8025. E-mail to: cnhobbit@gmail.com. Visit: RockyMtnPathwork.org.

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A Lesson Learned…

Catherine Nelson, Ph.D.
September – October 2024 • Vol 4, No 12

Yes, my friends, this is a true story…

A friend recently shared an event that happened to her. Beth is in her fifties. Her husband died in a car accident a few years ago. Beth has worked in a professional position at a local business for many years, and now she is the manager. She is good at solving problems—she enjoys people and wants to help others any way she can. Her five-day-a-week job sometimes re-quires extra hours. Several nights a week, she is a volunteer at the local library. By all accounts, she is a successful, caring person leading a busy life. Beth is also well organized and has good skills in planning ahead with all of her activities.

Two weeks ago, she decided to take several vacation days to work on some personal projects at home—her garden needed repair, her bedroom needed painting, and she wanted to get rid of some items in her garage. Already two vacation days had passed, and she was making progress with her to-do list.

On Friday, Beth decided she had some time to go on a bike ride at a nearby park, along the trails in the woods and then around the lake. She had not ridden her bike for several years, so on Friday night, she made a list of items she wanted to be sure to bring on her ride. The list included her helmet, water bottle, cell phone, gloves, tire pump, tool kit, wind breaker, etc. She felt prepared, and off she went on Saturday at 6:30 am.

It was barely daylight as she bicycled into the woods. The sky was a deep blue, and there was a cool wind blowing. Beth proceeded slowly on the trail and kept looking ahead in case someone was walking their dog. She was surprised at the many plants and bushes encroaching on the trail, making it unexpectedly narrow.

Beth came around a tight bend on the trail and suddenly, she saw a young skunk jump out of the bushes in front of her. Both Beth and the skunk were surprised to see each other. The skunk turned and ran back into the bushes. Beth kept moving and cycled past the skunk. She was relieved that she had not hit the skunk. She thought she had moved quickly enough and had not been sprayed.

Well, Beth was wrong. She HAD been sprayed! Beth continued to bicycle around the lake. She noticed a slight smell of skunk in the air. She thought maybe there had been another skunk in the area. Beth rode home and was pleased with her bike ride, but when she stopped, she soon realized that the skunk had sprayed her bike, her bike tires, her sneakers, and her legs.

Beth had planned to do more things that day. She was going to the Farmer’s Market, the post office, and then the hardware store. However, she couldn’t go anywhere because of the skunk smell! She had to stay home and work on cleaning her bike, washing her sneakers, and cleaning herself from the smell. Beth worked hard that morning doing her best to get rid of the smell. It took several washings to clean the smell off her body. That afternoon, she sat outside near her garden, eating her lunch.

This was not what she had planned for her Saturday or Sunday. Her weekend had been turned upside down. She had to go to work on Monday and did not want any skunk smell on her body. Beth stayed home the rest of Saturday and all of Sunday, working by herself.

Over the weekend, Beth thought about the unexpected event and slowly realized how much she was enjoying staying home with no schedule and no responsibilities to anyone else. A sense of peace and feelings of freedom started to creep into her being. She actually read a magazine, cooked two of her favorite vegetable recipes, took a nap, and watched a favorite movie on Saturday night.

On Sunday morning, Beth sat outside and listened to the birds chirping in the trees. She wondered if there was a bigger message for her. Usually she was too busy to enjoy the peace and solitude of being home, being alone, and doing things to restore herself. There was little time for self-reflection in her life, but maybe she could begin to do it differently. She realized she had unresolved feelings about her husband’s death. She had not taken any time to attend to her needs for self-growth and self-regeneration. Some of her ongoing skills at “planning” and “doing” and always being busy were perhaps a pattern of avoidance of her own deeper feelings.

When Beth called me and shared all that happened from the skunk spraying her, she laughed and said, “There is no way you can prepare for an unexpected event that comes along.” She said the unexpected event had interrupted her usual way of living. She is going to make some changes in her life to help her find time for herself and for her own self-care.

Together we laughed, as she said she could never imagine getting sprayed by a skunk, and she could never imagine it would lead to several personal insights.

Catherine Nelson, Ph.D., has a counseling practice in Bozeman with many years of experience working with individuals and groups. She has taught at the Barbara Brennan School of Healing and is a certified Pathwork Helper. She offers workshops on personal transformation and energy healing and is available for individual sessions. Call Catherine at (406) 585-8025. E-mail cnhobbit@gmail.com. Visit: RockyMtnPathwork.org.

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Which One Is More Important to You?

Catherine Nelson, Ph.D.
Sept – Oct 2023 • Vol 4, No 6

When I drive to different local events and activities in our town, I often take one or two people with me who need a ride. There are two former passengers I seldom see anymore, but I often think about them.

Mary is a lover of dogs. She and her husband are both retired. They chose to adopt several older dogs from the local animal rescue facility, as they know these dogs are unlikely to get adopted by others. They willingly pay the medical bills for expensive medicines for these older animals and want the dogs to have a good life. Needless to say, the dogs become increasingly healthy and happy with all the love and attention that they receive.

Mary is a volunteer at the local library, and she has several jobs. One is to deliver library books every week to several older people who can no longer safely drive their cars. She typically stays a while, talking to each house-bound individual. Mary has a quality of goodness that shows up in a number of her other volunteer activities.

Bill is another former passenger I often think about. Bill is retired, and he too finds many ways to be of service as a volunteer in his small community. In the summer months, he works

for the National Parks Conservation Association to help remove or modify barbed wire fencing on ranches near the national park. Sometimes he removes the lower strand of barbed wire so the pronghorn can crawl under the fencing as they migrate through a valley.

Sometimes he gets to remove all the fencing, so wild animals can travel through the fields freely. Other times, he helps to roll up old rusty barbed wire, so the wild animals will not get caught in it and get injured. It is hard work on hot and dusty days, moving through fields, ditches and mountainous areas.

In addition, Bill is a volunteer at the local food bank in town, helping with the shipments and distribution of foods. Once again, he works hard lifting heavy boxes of vegetables, canned goods, and other products in and out of trucks on to the shelves in the storage area of the old building.

Mary and Bill have a lot in common. They are caring individuals, and they volunteer many hours during the week doing what they love. They contribute willingly in a multitude of ways. However, there are major differences between Mary and Bill. Mary reads a lot, talks to people where ever she goes and believes in the fundamental goodness of human beings.

Bill was a quiet passenger in my car but when asked his opinion about different topics, he would speak and his thoughts were usually critical. He read the local community newspaper every morning with his coffee, and he listened to his favorite radio talk show. Bill would get annoyed and angry about the actions and decisions of local and national politicians and leaders. Bill tended to be suspicious of people’s intentions, and he expected worse things were going to happen all the time. Even when Bill heard of something good going on in the community, Bill would quickly move to another issue or topic that was not, in his opinion, “right” or fair.

I think about Mary and Bill and wonder how they are doing. They are good people, and they each are reliable and responsible community members. They are generous with their time and energy in their numerous volunteer activities. Mary was much better company on long car rides. She could be critical and concerned, but she could also talk about something happening that was positive and worthwhile going on in the community. Mary also enjoyed talking to other passengers in the car and was interested in their opinions and ideas. Bill was more introspective.

Sometimes when I think about Mary and Bill, I remember the old cliché, “Is the glass of water half empty or half full?” Bill would be the one who saw the glass as “half empty” most of the time. Mary was more likely to see the glass as “half full.” I wondered how two people could be so generous and caring and yet, have significantly different beliefs about people and life.

I do not know about their individual backgrounds growing up, or their families or friends. I do not know what life events might have helped to shape their fundamental beliefs about others or even their own sense of self-worth. I do know that as different as they were in their beliefs about others, they were equally committed to helping do good things for people, for animals, and for the community. In retrospect, perhaps what I saw in Bill’s and Mary’s contributions and good work is all I really needed to know about each of them. Their core values were more important to me than their beliefs about human nature and life.

Catherine Nelson, Ph.D., has a counseling practice in Bozeman with many years of experience working with individuals and groups. She has taught at the Barbara Brennan School of Healing and is a certified Pathwork Helper. She offers workshops on personal transformation and energy healing and is available for individual sessions. Call Catherine at (406) 585-8025. E-mail cnhobbit@gmail.com. Visit: RockyMtnPathwork.org.

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How Adaptable Are You When Sudden Change Occurs?

Catherine Nelson, Ph.D.
May – June 2023 • Vol 4, No 4

“Change” in our lives is ongoing and highly variable. Some change is tolerable; some change is welcome and needed. Some change can be abrupt and unwanted, at least initially, but it can open a space or an opportunity for something else to break through….

Tom and his wife Lila were happily married living on a few acres of land in the country. They were once farmers and worked hard during the seasons, but now they were in their seventies and retired. They were still gardening, and they enjoyed the beauty of the wild flowers in their untilled fields, as well as the wildlife that came through from the nearby forest.

Their son Jack had recently graduated from college and found a good job in a city. He would come home to help his parents when he could, but his job kept him busy, and it was a long one-way four-hour drive to his parents’ home.

On his last visit, Jack noticed how much his father had physically slowed down in doing the chores. Tom was walking slower and sometimes lost his balance. Jack had always helped his father when he was growing up; he knew his father had his own way of doing things and was not interested in new ideas or suggestions.

One day Lila called Jack to report that Tom had tripped outside, had fallen down backwards and suffered a mild concussion. The doctor said he needed to rest for at least a week. Jack came home that weekend to help out. Tom insisted he would be doing the chores in a day or two. Jack could see that his father was no longer able to do all of the outdoor work in his usual ways. Jack also knew his father was going to keep trying to do the work no matter what the doctor said.

Jack spoke to Lila, and they talked about all the work that needed to be done on the property. Jack took a week’s vacation a few days later, and he came home to help his parents. He also loaded in his truck a small utility task vehicle (UTV) with two seats and a loading area in the back. It had “rollover” protection for the occupants, too.

Jack knew his best strategy with his father was to use the UTV and do all the same chores his father would have done. It took him half the usual time, and Tom was watching Jack through the window. Tom was impressed with what he saw. Jack had Tom drive the UTV with him for a few days. Tom was actually smiling as he drove around their property, and he quickly realized the value of the small vehicle. Jack knew Tom would drive slowly and carefully.

Lila later reported that Tom was able to get many of the chores done more easily, and in less time, and he was not as tired as he used to be. They each knew that, at some point, Tom would no longer be able to do all the work on his property. However, Jack had given Tom, not only a new and easier way to get things done, but he also gave Tom the gift of more time to adjust to the inevitable physical limitations of his older age.

A second story occurred in North Carolina, and it started almost a hundred years ago. There was a small river that flowed down from nearby mountains all year long. In the spring, with rapid run off and flooding, it was a problem for the local farmers. They got together and asked the nearby small-town officials to dam the stream, and the officials did.

However, the dam changed the river. There was a local, peaceful Indian tribe who had fished the same small river for many years. The damming of the river negatively impacted the turbidity of the water, the water temperature, the aquatic organisms and impeded the migration of a species of fish that lived in the stream.

The fish had been a major food supply for the Indian tribe long before the farmers settled and grew their crops near the river. Over the years, the tribal leaders asked that the dam be removed a number of times. The town officials chose to align with the interests of the farmers.

Many more years passed, and the dam slowly began to break down. The farmers no longer grew their crops in that area. The rivers were now control-led by a state river agency. Something had to be done with the weakening dam. The officials had three choices: to take down the old dam and put in a new one; to repair the old dam; or to remove the dam completely. The Indian leaders met with the state officials and asked that the dam be removed. They met and agreed; they decided to remove the dam and let the river flow naturally. It was the least expensive choice, and the Indians would finally have the river restored to its natural state.

The removal of the dam and the restoration of the river took three years to complete. Both the state agency and members of the Indian tribe worked together. The Indian tribe is able to fish the river once again.

This story is an example of a slow “breaking down” of an old dam and how the Indian tribe persisted and patiently waited for a “break-through,” which took many years.

What is your relationship to something breaking down in your life, be it sudden or happening slowly? How adaptable are you when sudden change occurs? How open are you to new and even unknown possibilities? The saying goes, there are two “givens” in our life—death and taxes. Let’s add “the inevitability of change” to that list. Yes, change will always be a part of life. How we meet it and work with it is what matters.

Catherine Nelson, Ph.D., has a counseling practice in Bozeman with many years of experience working with individuals and groups. She has taught at the Barbara Brennan School of Healing and is a certified Pathwork Helper. She offers workshops on personal transformation and energy healing and is available for individual sessions. Call Catherine at (406) 585-8025 or send e-mail to cnhobbit@gmail.com. Visit: RockyMtnPathwork.org.

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