Ask Dr. Ma: I Want to Find Someone to Fit My Needs

Marlenea La Shomb, N.D., LMT, P.Tr.
Sept – Oct 2023 • Vol 4, No 6

Dear Dr. Ma,

I’m in my twenties, and I can’t find someone to fit my needs. I’m tired of the dating scene… Any advice would be helpful.

— Dawn

Dear Dawn,

With respect to relationships, the person you are with is like a mirror for your growth. If you start out needy, that is what you will attract into your life. Start by changing your thoughts, and you will attract a different kind of person to be with. Here are some points that I offered my dating-age girls in terms of the four kinds of attraction: Physical, Emotional, Mental, and Spiritual.

If you are only attracted, say, to a person physically, but do not connect on other levels, it will fade out quickly and be short-lived. If you can talk (mentally) with a person for hours on end, that would be a great friend to have, yet if the relationship is lacking in the other three areas, you may not find it fulfilling overall.

Choose to wait for the person to come along in your life that you connect with on at least two of the above, minimum, and preferably three. And, of course, all four is perfect for a life-long connection.

Just be yourself, simply growing daily, and life will take care of itself. You were made in love. You are love. And you start by loving yourself. And yes, it’s a life-long process. Life is an adventure of connecting. Love is knowing that your very presence makes a difference. It means being true to yourself and your inner calling. The blessing lies in the opportunity for loving.

Here are four of my favorite life lessons: What should I love first? Whatever is in front of you. What do I do first? Whatever is facing you. Who do I help now? The next person you talk to. What do I learn next? The solution to a problem. You don’t have to seek your lessons in connecting. They find you. The power of a simple lesson to give love is staring you in the face when taken as an opportunity for growth.

Then your next lesson will appear. And this goes for ALL kinds of relationships. My favorite book on this subject is Love Without End—Jesus Speaks… by Glenda Green. It answers some of our most basic questions: Who am I really? How can I have an abundant and healthy life? What is my highest purpose? What happens when I die? Why is there so much pain? Can there ever be peace in the world?

The answers to these will invariably emerge from the presence or absence of one great power—LOVE.

I hope this is helpful.

— Dr. Ma!

Send your questions to Dr. Ma La Shomb, N.D., LMT, P.Tr., by text only, along with your name & phone number, to (406) 224-5425. Email to Marlenea passionately works as a health coach and writer for all who are ready to find harmony and balance in body, mind, and soul through natural therapies and education.