Mental & Emotional Health

Making Conscious Choices with Positive Intentions

Catherine Nelson, Ph.D.
November – December 2025 • Vol 4, No 19

Leslie bought a young horse and she had it shipped from Kentucky to her home in Wyoming. It was a long journey for a three-year-old gelding, but the horse did well. The trailer driver, Joe, cared about all the horses he transported. He always made sure they had good water and hay and breaks from standing for hours in the trailer. When Joe delivered the gelding, Leslie was pleased with the horse’s surprisingly good condition and she thanked Joe. As they talked, the topic of politics came into the conversation. Leslie realized that Joe was a member of the “other” political party. She suddenly ended the conversation and Joe left puzzled and wondering why she had cut him off so quickly and seemed to be angry with him.

Her friend, Nancy, came over to see the new horse and she listened to Leslie who was still angry about Joe’s political statements. Leslie told Nancy that she did not want to ever talk to or see Joe again. Nancy did comment on how good the new gelding looked from such a long journey, but Leslie was too angry to even acknowledge Nancy’s observation.

Jack is twenty and graduating from college. He has a gift for learning languages. He can speak five different languages and plans to learn more. Soon he will join the Air Force and travel the world helping his country. His father, Doug, grew up in Idaho. His parents have always lived there. Doug works as a mechanic repairing tractors and other farm equipment. Every year Doug hunts in the fall and fishes all year with his friends. Doug and his wife, Mary, enjoy the way they live their lives and they raised Jack to be like them.

Jack is like his parents in some ways but not in all ways. Jack became a vegetarian as a child and he does not like hunting or his father’s politics. Doug does not understand his son and Mary, who is proud of Jack, remains quiet when he comes home. Doug and Jack end up arguing a lot. The holidays are coming and Jack may not come home this time.

Bill is fifty years old and the owner of a general store in a small town in Vermont. His family goes back three generations and he is proud of his Christian heritage. He is a deacon in the only church in town and he is respected by his neighbors and fellow residents. They look up to him and seek his leadership. His wife is well known for her charitable activities too.

Recently two refugee Muslim families moved to Bill’s town. The adult men and women seek work but their English is poor. They are grateful to be in the United States and are willing to work hard in their new life. Bill is having a hard time accepting Muslims in his town. He has not spoken critically about them, but he also has not spoken in favor of them as newcomers. He is skeptical of their beliefs and religious practices, since they are not Christians.

The Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays are coming in the next few weeks and Bill has a lot of work to do in his store. There are many shipments of boxes, supplies, and holiday foods arriving and he needs more help which is hard to find. Amir, one of the young Muslim men, is wanting work and willing to work ten hours a day, six days a week. Bill hires him even though his English is poor. Amir is a bright young man and he learns quickly what he is to do. Bill closely monitors his work and sees how willing this young man is. Bill occasionally gives Amir a broken box of food for his family and Amir is most grateful.

The winter weather arrived with ice and snow in town. One night, Lucy, Bill’s seventy-year-old mother, attended an evening meeting planning for the holiday with her friends. She walked home in the dark, tripped and fell at an icy intersection. She twisted her ankle and struggled to get up. Amir, who was walking in her direction, saw her and ran over to help her walk home. Lucy did not know the young man but was grateful for his help. She realized his English was poor so at her front door, she held his hand and smiled at him to thank him. Amir hurried home. The next day Lucy told Bill about the young man who had helped her. Bill realized the man was most likely Amir. Lucy insisted that Bill do something to thank Amir. Bill was increasingly impressed with Amir.

After several days of thinking about how he could best help Amir, Bill contacted his fellow church leaders and asked them to fund an English language program for adults who don’t have good English-speaking skills. The church funded the program and it was successful. Local teachers volunteered and helped set it up to teach several times during the week for those who worked long hours on their jobs. Amir and his family members attended along with others in the community who didn’t speak English well. As their English skills improved, they became more valuable workers to the local businesses. Bill was “seeking common ground” for Amir. It was a great idea.

The phrase, “seek common ground,” requires two elements. It involves a willingness to “search” for something that may not be obvious and secondly, the search needs to come from our heart with a positive intention. As we approach the holiday season in the months ahead, many of us will have the opportunity to seek common ground with one another. Yes, we will be with family members, friends and others. We will be eating together, drinking together, and participating in group activities. And yes, there will be differences among us—political, racial, ethnic, social, etc.

Can we each make conscious choices with positive intentions and seek common ground with those close to us? Can we let go of demanding that everyone else think like us, look like us, vote like us, and even pray like us? Can we seek to nourish the deeper values of our humanity with each other? After all—that’s what Thanksgiving and Christmas are about—to bring forth our gratitude, our goodness, our kindness, our generosity, and our caring of other people—whomever the “other” might be.

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Can Be So Limiting for the Ones We Love…

Catherine Nelson, Ph.D.
July – Aug 2025 • Vol 4, No 17

Karla, Frank and their six-year-old son, Joey, come from a small farming town where everyone knows almost everyone else. Karla and Frank grew up in the town and each of their parents live there, too. They know the likes and dislikes of their neighbors and other locals, and they all have their different values and beliefs. However, the residents have experienced many kinds of crises—storms, floods, even forest fires over the years, and everyone comes together to help each other out. They have learned the value of working together and sharing limited resources in time of need.

Frank graduated from the state college in Clarkston. He is now a hard-working accountant and would like to start his own business someday. He learned a lot about Clarkston, and he feels there will be a better opportunity to increase his business skills and explore different business opportunities. Karla is a graduate of the same college, and she too has plans for her career in education. They have decided to move to Clarks-ton. Karla is staying at home to raise Joey and help him get established in the new school system. She has a part-time job on the Internet, and her work is easily transferable to the new location.

Karla and Frank bought a nice older home in an established neighborhood. It was a Monday early in August when Karla, Frank and Joey moved into their new home. Joey wanted to play, and he asked his Mom what to do. Karla had seen a little boy next door, so and she suggested Joey go knock on the neighbor’s door and see if the boy could play with him.

Their next-door neighbors, Walt and Mary, have lived in Clarkston for many years. They have a six-year-old son, Jimmy, who is starting first grade. He likes to play baseball. Mary is a part-time volunteer at a nearby rest home and she works several afternoons during the week. Walt owns and manages a body shop for cars and trucks. He works long hours and often works six days a week. His business has a good reputation in Clarkston.

Joey followed his mother’s instructions. Jimmy and Mary opened the front door and in minutes, Jimmy and Joey were playing outside catching baseballs. It was a good match, and the two boys became friends. Mary went over to meet her new neighbors. Frank was at work, but Karla welcomed Mary, and the two of them enjoyed their time together. Mary provided helpful information about local churches, the public school, stores, etc. At the end of the week, when Walt was home and had time to relax, Mary told Walt about the new neighbors, how happy Jimmy was to have a new friend, and how much Mary enjoyed talking with Karla. They decided to invite the new family over for a barbecue in their back yard. Karla and Frank were delighted to get to know their new neighbors even more.

The next afternoon, the new neighbors arrived and immediately, Walt and Frank were talking. Mary and Karla had each made different dishes for dinner and the two boys were playing outside. As the evening progressed, the topic of local politics came up, and Walt asked Frank about his party affiliation. Walt was disappointed and concerned to hear that Frank and Karla were members of the opposing party. As they talked, Walt discovered that Frank and Karla had several different opinions and beliefs about the next upcoming state election. Frank was interested in Walt’s point of view, and he listened respectfully to Walt’s ideas and priorities, but it became clear that Walt was not interested in learning about other perspectives or political positions. The dinner ended early, in part because Walt was annoyed and becoming angry. Frank and Karla were disappointed and took Joey home.

That night, Walt told Mary that he did not want to have their son playing with Joey any more. He did not want Mary to be visiting Karla, and he did not want to have anything to do with Frank. Jimmy was very disappointed when he found out that he could not play with his new friend and Mary was upset about Walt’s mandate. She talked to Walt but she could not change his mind. Mary loved her husband, and she accepted his sometimes-stubborn decisions, especially when it had to do with politics.

School started, and Jimmy and Joey were in the same first-grade class. They often ate lunch together and enjoyed each other’s company at school, but Jimmy never told his father. There was a new elementary-school baseball coach, and both boys were excited. They heard he had been a baseball player in the minor leagues years ago. The boys each asked their parents for permission to sign up for baseball practice after school. Frank and Karla fully supported Joey playing baseball with the new coach. However, Jimmy ran into a problem. Walt knew about Ron, the new baseball coach, and he refused to give Jimmy permission to be on the baseball team. Walt had seen Ron on the opposite side of the street when there was a recent march for the new water-supply regulations, which Walt’s political party was against. Ron was a member of the opposing party. Jimmy was heartbroken and in spite of Mary’s efforts, Walt would not change his mind.

At lunchtime, the two boys talked and Jimmy shared his disappointment with Joey, who was sad for his friend. Joey made it a point to tell Jimmy what he was learning about baseball from the new coach. Several of Jimmy’s other friends were on the baseball team, too. When the school day was over, Joey stayed for baseball practice. Jimmy would go home and bicycle on the street by himself. One day, Jimmy was practicing a new trick on his bicycle when he lost his balance just as a motorist was driving by. Fortunately, the driver was not going fast, but the side of the car did hit Jimmy as he fell down on the road. Karla was working outside and saw the accident. She ran over to Jimmy, called the police and an ambulance. She stayed with Jimmy until the medics came and took Jimmy to the hospital. He had a mild concussion and some bruises, but he was okay.

Mary was on her way home when Karla called, and she was so grateful that Karla had helped her son. Mary called Walt, and he was relieved that his son was safe. That evening, Walt and Mary walked over to Frank and Karla’s home and thanked Karla. Frank and Karla invited Walt and Mary into their home, but Walt declined. He said he had a full day at work and wanted to be with his son.

When they came home, Mary talked with Walt and asked him to reconsider his unwillingness to get to know Karla and Frank. Walt would not change his mind. Jimmy and Joey continued their friendship in school but only in school. Mary and Karla had joined a women’s organization, and they talked a lot before and after the meetings. Frank and Walt never became friends. Each couple continued to vote with the same political party they had been members of for years. Karla and Frank made many friends in the community as the years went by, but they often wished they could have been friends with their neighbors next door.

Catherine Nelson, Ph.D. has a counseling practice in Bozeman with many years of experience working with individuals and groups. She has taught at the Barbara Brennan School of Healing and is a certified Pathwork Helper. She offers workshops on personal transformation and energy healing and is available for individual sessions. Call Catherine at (406) 585-8025. E-mail to: cnhobbit@gmail.com. 

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Every Act of Kindness Helps Us Feel Our Own Goodness!

Catherine Nelson, Ph.D.
May – June 2025 • Vol 4, No 16

One act of kindness occurred on a train. It was a cold winter day in Philadelphia. Larry, who was retired, was taking the train to New York City to attend a new exhibit at one of the big museums. He boarded the train, bought a cup of coffee, and sat down to read a newspaper. At the Trenton station, Pete had his cup of coffee and his brief case in hand and climbed aboard to find a seat. He too was going to NYC, where he worked as an accountant at a well-known accounting firm. There were not many seats left. Just as Pete was ready to sit down, the train lurched forward. Pete lost his balance and spilled some of his coffee on Larry who was sitting next to him. Pete almost landed in Larry’s lap. Pete profusely apologized, and Larry helped Pete get settled next to him.

Larry put down his paper and they started chatting. Larry had been a businessman, and he and Pete found “common ground” and mutual interests. Pete could have retired a year ago, but he enjoyed working with his colleagues five days a week. Pete knew he needed to retire because his health was not so good. About a week ago, Pete went to his heart doctor who expressed concerns about his heart and wanted to run some tests. Pete had not told his wife about the doctor’s visit or his increasing health concerns. He loved his wife, Mia, but knew she would be worried. Mia wanted Pete to retire, and she had plans for activities they could do together. Pete was in conflict. He wanted to be with her but also enjoyed his work and his fellow professionals. He had not told anyone about his dilemma, and now, he was having trouble sleeping.

Pete and Larry chatted about current events as they drank their coffee. They were enjoying each other’s company when suddenly the train stopped. The conductor announced there would be a delay. The two men continued talking and the conversation became more personal. Pete learned that Larry was retired and that his wife had died five years ago. Larry missed her greatly. Larry had good friends who helped him in various ways, and he had adjusted to his life circumstances. Pete was listening and Larry noticed Pete had tears in his eyes. Larry became quiet and listened to Pete who wanted to keep working but it was getting harder for him. There were long hours traveling on the trains and sometimes he worked long hours. He was often tired by the end of the week.

Pete told Larry about how he had not told his wife about his health, and that he felt badly withholding information from her. They had always been honest and open with each other. Larry thoughtfully listened. He let Pete talk. He didn’t criticize or tell Pete what he should do. The train started moving once again.

As the train pulled into New York City, Pete turned to Larry and said, “Thank you for listening. I actually feel much better and I know what I have to do. When I go home tonight, I will tell my wife what has been going on for me. I love my wife and want to be with her.” Larry smiled at Pete and nodded. The two men shook hands before they got off the train and went their separate ways.

A second act of kindness was performed by my friend, Lisa. She lives in a condo, and from her living room window, she can see almost everyone else’s driveway in her small complex. Lisa has lived there for many years and knows most of the other residents. One of Lisa’s neighbors is a retired couple, Carla and Todd. They have been married for years and their adult children live in other states. Carla and Todd are enjoying their senior years with other friends in the local area. Todd was in the military for ten years, and he sustained several injuries during that time. Now that he is seventy-five, he needs a metal walker to get around. Todd is a very proud man. Years ago, he used to cut their grass, rake the leaves in the fall, and shovel snow in the winter. The only thing he can do now is get their mail from the mailbox every day. The mailbox is about fifty feet from their driveway and across the street. Carla knows how important it is for Todd to be able to do this one task. It gives him a sense of dignity and value.

However, in the winter there can be a lot of snow that needs to be shoveled and plowed, which is now done by a contractor for all the residents. Sometimes, there is still ice and snow around

that makes it hard for Todd to safely get to the mailbox. He cannot afford to fall, since it would be hard for him to get up and he could injure himself. Recently there was a big snow storm in the neighborhood. Lisa could see from her window that Todd was struggling to get his mail.

Lisa is about 50 years old and physically fit. She hikes and skis and loves the outdoors. One evening when there was still some daylight, she walked over to Carla and Todd’s condo and saw them inside watching the news on TV. Lisa quietly shoveled

some of the snow and ice from the garage door along the driveway and worked her way over to the mailbox. It took her about an hour to break up some of the ice and shovel the snow. She made sure the open space was wide enough for Todd’s walker.

The next day, when Todd went outside to get his mail, he stopped and was surprised that someone had shoveled a path for him. He looked around in all directions. He walked out to the end of his driveway and looked again but saw no one. He raised his arms to the sky and seemed very thankful. He had no trouble getting to his mailbox the rest of the week. Lisa shared that she was very happy to see Todd’s response to having a clear path to the mail box. As she finished her story, she smiled and said there was no need to tell Todd who had done the work.

The third act of kindness came from an electrician. Don had his own business as a licensed electrician. He was experienced and had a good reputation in the community. He charged his customers for his travel to and from their residence. He charged a second fee for an hour’s worth of work when he arrived. He also charged for any electrical parts he purchased for the repairs. Don would clearly explain these charges so the client knew what the cost would be.

One day, Don got a call from a resident in town. Mary was retired and she was a bird lover. All winter, she put out seed daily for the birds, and she had a deicer in her bird bath so the birds would have fresh water. However, one day a large chunk of snow about three feet high by two feet fell from her roof onto the bird bath. Mary had trouble getting the deicer to work and she thought the problem was with the outside outlet near the bird bath. She called Don and he explained his fees. The fees would be high for Mary, given her limited savings, but she wanted the birds to have water, so she agreed to the estimated charges. Don drove to her home the next day. He checked the outlet and reset it; checked the deicer and it was working. In barely five minutes he had helped Mary. As they were talking, Mary learned that Don was an avid bird watcher and they chatted about their love of wild birds.

They walked back to Don’s car, and he shared how grateful he was to be alive, since he had a sudden heart attack two months ago. He said he would have died if a stranger who found him lying on the street had not called the Rescue Squad. They were nearby, got him to the hospital, and he had surgery, which saved his life. Don said he was grateful for every day of his life. Mary pulled out her money from her wallet to pay Don and asked how much she owed him. Don took a deep breath and said he was not going to charge her anything. Mary was very grateful for Don’s generosity and thanked him.

We never know when an opportunity for an act of kindness will come our way. We never know how we might be able to help. Sometimes it can be as a good listener, sometimes it can be calling 911 to save a life. What we do know is that these unexpected moments will come along for each of us at times. What matters is our willingness to be of service when needed. Every act of kindness will help us feel our own goodness!

Catherine Nelson, Ph.D. has a counseling practice in Bozeman with many years of experience working with individuals and groups. She has taught at the Barbara Brennan School of Healing and is a certified Pathwork Helper. She offers workshops on personal transformation and energy healing and is available for individual sessions. Call Catherine at (406) 585-8025. E-mail to: cnhobbit@gmail.com. 

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